Being Married is So Easy

by Kevin on January 6, 2009

Today my wife and I have been happily married for two years.

Being married is ridiculously easy. This is especially true if you married the right person, took your time, got to know each other, etc. Thankfully, I fall into this category.

Yet even if you didn’t take your time before getting married, it can be really, really easy. That may sound crazy to you, but let me explain. Spending quality time with your spouse makes marriage run a lot more smooth than it would otherwise. “Duh!“, you’re thinking. Stay with me. Let’s take a look at the things each spouse might like to do. (Warning: generalities made below that are not true for every human on the planet.)

Men, you like to do certain things. These things are probably related to something revolving around sports, beer, finance, hunting, cars, or working with your hands in a workshop. Men like to fix things.

Women like to do other types of things. Things revolving around shopping, talking, reading, talking, scrap booking, shopping, candles, or decorating. Women like to talk about things rather than necessarily fixing them.

Again, these are just general ideas, but I’m using them to make a point so bear with me.

Looking at the two lists above one might think they are mutually exclusive. Men like sports. Women like shopping. These obviously do not go together.

How can caveman and jungle woman spend quality time together if they don’t like the thing their spouse loves to do? Man does not want to go shopping. Woman does not want to watch five hours of football. Mutually exclusive.

Didn’t You Get Married To Spend Time Together?

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but you got married to be together, right? That’s kind of the point. All you have to do is spend a little bit of effort, open that creaky mind up a bit, and try to learn more about what your spouse loves to do. Find an inexpensive way to enjoy the activity together.

I’ll use us as an example. Here are some simple examples of how we’ve “reached across the aisle” to enjoy activities the other person enjoys:

  • My wife bought the book “Get Your Own Damn Beer, I’m Watching the Game: The Woman’s Guide to Football”. The title should be more than enough to fill you in on the details. She has spent countless hours on the couch with me watching games I find important. Sure, there are times when she goes into the office to do something else when the game is boring. That’s fine. It’s the simple fact that she is trying to learn about football in detail (the different positions, what kind of penalty it was, what to expect on 3rd and 12, etc.). In fact the other night during the Utah vs. Alabama game, a official threw a flag and I yelled out “Offsides on the defense!” and she excitedly turned to me and said, “I knew that and was going to say it, but I didn’t want to be wrong.” She’s trying to love the game I love. (Oh, and she also insisted we go to a UT football game. She insisted, not me. Amazing.)
  • We recently spent an large chunk of a morning shopping for scrap book items for her. Something that is only moderately interesting to me. But I went with her. I stood in the aisle with her. I reached items on the top shelf for her. When she asked, I offered my opinion. It’s simple little things, but we’re spending time together. (Even if I could never creatively come up with a great scrap book.)

Learning Your Spouse’s Hobby Doesn’t Have to Be Expensive

My wife didn’t have to insist we go to a University of Tennessee football game this past fall. Simply becoming a fan and wearing Vol gear would have been more than enough to make me happy. Watching the games on television would have been fine. As it turns out, the tickets were inexpensive and it was great.

I don’t have to go to the scrap book store and buy an entire aisle’s worth of supplies to try and make a scrap book.

Maybe you like to work on cars and have a project car in the garage. If she wants to show interest in your hobby she doesn’t have to go out and buy a project car of her own.

It’s the time you spend together doing the activity that matters, not the cost involved. Take some time to learn what your spouse loves to do. I guarantee it will improve your marriage.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Sam January 6, 2009 at 9:23 pm

lol, sounds like you have a pretty sweet wife. It’s sad that half of all marriages end in divorce. Seems to me, that if people just tried like you two seemed to do, a whole lot more of them would work out.

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Lee January 6, 2009 at 10:27 pm

Uh no. Marriage is not easy, not even for the most compatible of partners. The principles and disciplines required to make a successful marriage are simple, but executing them is by no means easy.

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Patrick January 6, 2009 at 11:15 pm

Happy anniversary! :)

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Kevin January 7, 2009 at 6:56 am

@Sam: Exactly. People are so selfish and get married for the wrong reasons. If they would take a step back and show a little bit of respect, get some counseling, and try to work through it the divorce rate would plummet.

@Lee: Thanks for stopping by and gracing us with your amazingly positive attitude. :)

I happen to disagree. But I’d love to hear more of why you think marriage isn’t easy.

@Patrick: Hey, thanks!

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Fit Wallet January 7, 2009 at 7:36 am

I’m in a same-sex relationship, so I can’t get married, but buying a house together pretty much sealed the deal. Thankfully, we do not fall into the sports versus shopping dichotomy. She likes to read and take photographs; I like to cook and play with my fish tanks. Having different interests is healthy and interesting. If our interests were identical, how boring would that be?

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Kevin January 7, 2009 at 8:17 am

@Fit Wallet: having differing interests definitely makes it interesting. I think the problem people run into is when Person A absolutely hates Person B’s idea of “fun”. That can lead to conflicts.

Keeping an open mind and diving in to a new task usually helps. You only live once, right?

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Lee January 7, 2009 at 3:21 pm

@ Kevin,

You’re welcome.

Not trying to be negative at all. But if you think marriage is easy, you are setting yourself up. Marriage requires constant hard work and effort from both partners to work.

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headknocker January 7, 2009 at 8:33 pm

@Kevin,

Lee is right…Marriage is simple. When both sides are giving 100% everything usually works out very well. However, there will be times when tough decisions have to be made and then things aren’t easy.

I will agree that for my wife and I, the first several years were easy. We focused most of our free time on each other and that kept the relationship working well. When kids come, things get a little tougher, but marriage is still awesome.

We will be celebrating our 20th anniversary this August and if given the opportunity I would do it again. Congratulations on two years.

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Kevin January 7, 2009 at 9:49 pm

@Lee: This post was a little tongue in cheek… I know marriage won’t be easy all of the time. I’d rather point out that a.) you got married to spend time together and b.) learning your spouse’s favorite hobbies doesn’t have to be expensive or annoying. Effort counts for a lot.

@headknocker: Agreed. We have a dog, which I know is NOTHING like having a kid, but it is just a little bit. I’m proud that we haven’t had many major disagreements in our two years. Solid pre-marital counseling was very key to that.

Congrats on 20 years!

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LAL January 7, 2009 at 9:53 pm

Marriage isn’t easy but it certainly is nice. But then again it’s no different from living with each other. I couldn’t tell you what the piece of paper gave us more than what we had living together other than legal rights.

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Mr. GoTo January 8, 2009 at 12:08 am

I beg to differ. “Being married” may be easy but staying happily married takes hard work. (31 years here.) It’s worth it but any spouse who approaches married life with the idea that it’s supposed to be easy is destined to disappoint their spouse or both of them.

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Start-Up January 8, 2009 at 4:53 pm

Some great ideas about getting along with a significant other. I’m not married, but agreeing to do some things that might not be the most fun for me would probably advance my relationship with my gf. I suppose I can try it out.

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happy1 January 31, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Marriage is so wonderful when both partners can agree to disagree. Most people say that their partner changed, but they knew what type of husband/wife they were getting before they got married. And to Fit Wallet, don’t you want to be married someday? Besides that’s the way God intended it. You might think your house is beautiful but get married and see just how blessed it will be.

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happy1 January 31, 2009 at 8:40 pm

Marriage is fun. It’s just like your best friend living with you and never having to go home. Think about it, growing up when there was sibling rivalry with brothers and sisters we made up with them. So why is our spouse any different? You just have to learn to agree to disagree. People use to scare me about marriage, but it’s an adventure knowing that person loves you with all their heart and that they look for you and forward to hearing your voice is amazing. And from looking at our parents, I’m quite sure that their marriage wasn’t perfect but they made it. Now a days, couples aren’t in it to win it anymore.

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