Today my wife and I have been happily married for two years.
Being married is ridiculously easy. This is especially true if you married the right person, took your time, got to know each other, etc. Thankfully, I fall into this category.
Yet even if you didn’t take your time before getting married, it can be really, really easy. That may sound crazy to you, but let me explain. Spending quality time with your spouse makes marriage run a lot more smooth than it would otherwise. “Duh!“, you’re thinking. Stay with me. Let’s take a look at the things each spouse might like to do. (Warning: generalities made below that are not true for every human on the planet.)
Men, you like to do certain things. These things are probably related to something revolving around sports, beer, finance, hunting, cars, or working with your hands in a workshop. Men like to fix things.
Women like to do other types of things. Things revolving around shopping, talking, reading, talking, scrap booking, shopping, candles, or decorating. Women like to talk about things rather than necessarily fixing them.
Again, these are just general ideas, but I’m using them to make a point so bear with me.
Looking at the two lists above one might think they are mutually exclusive. Men like sports. Women like shopping. These obviously do not go together.
How can caveman and jungle woman spend quality time together if they don’t like the thing their spouse loves to do? Man does not want to go shopping. Woman does not want to watch five hours of football. Mutually exclusive.
Didn’t You Get Married To Spend Time Together?
Correct me if I’m wrong here, but you got married to be together, right? That’s kind of the point. All you have to do is spend a little bit of effort, open that creaky mind up a bit, and try to learn more about what your spouse loves to do. Find an inexpensive way to enjoy the activity together.
I’ll use us as an example. Here are some simple examples of how we’ve “reached across the aisle” to enjoy activities the other person enjoys:
- My wife bought the book “Get Your Own Damn Beer, I’m Watching the Game: The Woman’s Guide to Football”. The title should be more than enough to fill you in on the details. She has spent countless hours on the couch with me watching games I find important. Sure, there are times when she goes into the office to do something else when the game is boring. That’s fine. It’s the simple fact that she is trying to learn about football in detail (the different positions, what kind of penalty it was, what to expect on 3rd and 12, etc.). In fact the other night during the Utah vs. Alabama game, a official threw a flag and I yelled out “Offsides on the defense!” and she excitedly turned to me and said, “I knew that and was going to say it, but I didn’t want to be wrong.” She’s trying to love the game I love. (Oh, and she also insisted we go to a UT football game. She insisted, not me. Amazing.)
- We recently spent an large chunk of a morning shopping for scrap book items for her. Something that is only moderately interesting to me. But I went with her. I stood in the aisle with her. I reached items on the top shelf for her. When she asked, I offered my opinion. It’s simple little things, but we’re spending time together. (Even if I could never creatively come up with a great scrap book.)
Learning Your Spouse’s Hobby Doesn’t Have to Be Expensive
My wife didn’t have to insist we go to a University of Tennessee football game this past fall. Simply becoming a fan and wearing Vol gear would have been more than enough to make me happy. Watching the games on television would have been fine. As it turns out, the tickets were inexpensive and it was great.
I don’t have to go to the scrap book store and buy an entire aisle’s worth of supplies to try and make a scrap book.
Maybe you like to work on cars and have a project car in the garage. If she wants to show interest in your hobby she doesn’t have to go out and buy a project car of her own.
It’s the time you spend together doing the activity that matters, not the cost involved. Take some time to learn what your spouse loves to do. I guarantee it will improve your marriage.